Balls Capone

Hell’s Waiting Room

Last night in my dreams I was taking a walk through Hell's waiting room.  I guess Hell is packed full these days, so now you have wait to get in, like some kind of nightmarish night club.  It was a boring white room with rows of old worn out grey chairs bolted to the dirty white tile floor.  It looked like a dirty old bus station. 

There was a whole family of blackened skeletons sitting in the corner seats talking amongst themselves, one was even enjoying some kind of cigarette.  A skeleton who smokes?  Now that's just silly, I had to ask him to please extinguish it.  The skeleton shot me a glance, but it's really hard to tell if a skeleton is angry with you, or really anything at all.  But it complied with my orders. 

I was a Hellish Authority Figure, I kept the damned in line, cleaned up the waiting room and informing them of their position in line to get into Hell.  I had a black uniform on with a patch on my arm that had a red triangle on it.  I also had a black hat with the same patch on it. 

I walked up to one soul in a cowboy hat that was leaning ever so carefree on one of the walls.  He didn't look frightened or scared, he just seemed normal.  So I asked him if he knew where he was. 

He knew, he knew very well and he said he knows what he did and freely admitted it.  So I asked him what he did to deserve damnation.

“Done made fun of God's penis......", he said with a laugh. 

Apparently he was once an attendant in Heaven's waiting room and he was caught mocking the great Godly phallus.

“So God is a man then?", I asked.

“Nah, not really, it's just got a really tiny pecker, damn funny lookin' too", he said in dry tone. 

It made me laugh.  He didn't really care though, as current wait times for entrance to hell are around 90 years or more.  So sometimes you're given an upgrade and you get to return to live another life, but since you're already damned and are just waiting for admittance to Hell, you're going to be born a real asshole but you got 90 years to be one. 

It's also a shit shoot, you could come back as any number of bugs or other undesirable things before you come out human again.  It's probably better than waiting around the boring waiting room for 90 years. 

My friend, the stranger here was certainly in no mood for waiting.  He was counting on his ticket to Earth to go cause a ruckus.  Well, I guess if you're going to hell anyway, might as well have some fun.

It was a short strange dream, but funny.  Important lesson, do not mock the mighty dong, no matter how small and ridiculous it may be.

Or maybe it's a test?  That's the judgment you face upon death.  You come face to face with the mighty one, and it's bereft of trouser and underoo's.  If you can gaze upon the holy shlong without bursting into laughter, you get to go the heaven.  Show any sign at all of mockery, even the slightest snicker, and it's off to hell with you!