Balls Capone

Very powerful dreams, emotions a plenty, heart strings getting pulled hither and thither, tears of sadness, tears of joy, screaming anger, powerful love, extreme love making, murder, betrayal, and boobs, so many boobs of differing types!

I was this hippy dude that drove around in a beat up green VW bus, I had long hair, never wore shoes, and always had a tie dye shirt on.  I was a decent dude though, friendly, calm, cool, and I knew these two women who I was very good friends with, Linda and Jade. 

I had gone over to their place for a party.  The party was magnificent, it was held in their backyard which resembled a scene from Lord of the Rings, a little escape to the woods of Lothlórien.  Everyone and everything was beautiful, the food was delicious, the drinks made you filled with white light, and the very air you breath vibrated in a positive and pleasant manner.  Basically the best place ever with the best vibes in the universe.  There was no need for anxiety here, no, it made everything so easy, interacting was like child's play.  Oh and everyone was naked!

I was dancing with the magic fairy looking girls when Jade ended up joining in with me.  There was immediate vibe, and it was very good.  Well, things ended up happening, there was an intense love created in the air, and Jade and I ended up making furious love in the giant hollow stump of an ancient tree.  She now looked like elf kind, long beautiful shining hair, her skin radiating light and love, delicate pointed ears, and perfect full ruby lips that complement her bright glowing blue eyes, she was the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen in that moment.  it was extremely erotic, I quite enjoyed it. 

The images would turn from reality into almost comic book like drawings, the sweat pouring from our bodies, entagled together in the throws of heated passion, our rhythmic pulsing then became audible creating a music and it would change the world into an anime (sans tentacles), which was even more exciting, and then back to reality again.  Chills of pleasure running like raging rivers through my body as her hands run slowly down my back, my hands rubbing her perfect silky thighs, wrapped around me like a beast devouring its prey.  Transparent rainbow colored sheets began to fall from the trees above all around us like the leaves of autumn, each sheet smooth and cooling like some kind of cosmic air conditioner. 

This magic place allowed us to intertwine with time and space and move in and out of different dimensions.  The vehicle was passion, the fuel, pure love.  The feeling was like nothing I've experienced before, at least not on this place of existence anyway. 

It came on in waves, like floating on a great ocean as the tides are ever increasing from the oncoming storms, like the intensity of a powerful experience on hallucinogens, but with none of the negative side effects or feelings.

Best.Trip.Ever! 

As the experience drew to a close and our breath slowed, the waves subsided and the bottom of the tree stump began to fill with warm water and before I knew it we were sitting a natural hot spring that had formed around us.  In this moment, me and Jade were the same person, we were one, linked by light tethers that I could see, but as the waves further slowed the visions faded and reality began to slip back in once again.

I awoke laying on my belly in Jade's back yard, half on the cracked up concrete sidewalk and half on the lawn, beer cans strew about, with the sprinkler hose running underneath me causing great discomfort.  Oh how my head hurt and my belly was bloated and distended.  My mouth like that of a desert, my eyes creaked open to reveal the red bloodshot raisins inside.  I rose to my knees reaching for the hose on the ground.  I sure hope this isn’t irrigation water, I thought as I gulched away at the refreshing cold water slowing pouring from its end.  So much better.  I felt fluids beginning to slowly refresh my body parts, bringing it back from the prune like status I was in.

“Oh man, what the hell happened last night?”, I thought to myself.

“Oh no, where are my glasses?!”, I thought, terrified of their loss. 

I got up and found a lawn chair on the patio nearby, luckily I had the wherewithal to have put my glasses on the little table near the chair.  Relieved, I grabbed my glasses, wiping the nights greasiness from the lenses, and put them on, revealing the world through my normal vision.

  I plopped down in on the chairs and let out a massive fart, that kind that you feel like you've been holding in for days.  The relief, oh the sweet relief!  My belly felt so much better and my headache was lessened.  But I was so tired, so tired from sleeping on that damn lawn.  I started to drift off again in the chair and while I did, the world changed once again.

It is  now years later.  I'm not such a cool guy any more, I'm kind of a grumpy dick these days, my VW bus is broken and I'm pissed that I have to spend two grand on getting it fixed.  At this time Jade had moved away to a horrible place called Rolandville with her new husband, Roland.  I wanted to go see her, but my vacation fund was now blown on brakes and tires for the bus. 

So I went over to Linda's house and she had a little girl there that was my friend.  We would play together, we would drive around in my bus, go camping, etc.  It had been many many years, we knew each other well.  Then Jade shows up out of nowhere and tells me that the kid is actually mine and she had bullshitted me and told me that she wasn't pregnant after that magical night when she actually was.  I guess the ole fetus bringer still had a few shots left after all.  I was shocked.

She had kept it from me on purpose, she didn't think I had it in me to be decent father.  So after all this time, this little girl I had been friends with her whole life was actually my own daughter.  It was heartbreaking, devastating, and brutal.  Now everything was the opposite of the magical sequence from before.  The self doubt and hate became almost unbearable, an oppressive crushing feeling like the whole world was watching me and laughing. 

"Hey, look at the loser!", "What A Dweeb!" 

Then she collected the kid, jumped into her car, and vanished back to Rolandville, leaving me alone and broken to stew in the grated flesh of my own ruin.

No, this would not stand, man.  I had to get her back, so I paid for my bus to get fixed and found my way to Rolandville, a horrible town where everyone looked like a buck toothed nerd, everyone had the same face, the girls, the guys, the old people, everyone.  They were all nerdy, lying, super annoying, assholes that always had to try and one-up you with everything.

"Hey, nice VW bus,  yeah, that's pretty cool, but guess what?  I know someone who's got the custom one, it's way cooler than that one.  It's worth like a hundred thousand dollars." 

BULLSHIT!  Shut up, you jar of dick marmalade!  Ugh. 

Everyone in this town was just like that and so was Jade's husband, Roland.  I had to save my daughter from this horrible place.  I finally found her and just in time too.  They had her on this operating table and were about to turn her into a Rolandville resident, they had renamed her to Rowindy and were removing her pretty dark hair to have it replaced with greasy, stringy, unmanageable ginger hair.  They also were about to pull out her real teeth and put in a set of horrible bucked teeth that were too big for her mouth, like all the rest of them.  No one was going to turn my daughter into a dweeb!

That was that, I went back to my van and pulled out two shotguns.  Suddenly the dream turned into DOOM and it was on, it was a nerd slaughterhouse. 

I decorated the walls with their lungs. 

I saved my daughter from destruction and a life of nerdish horror, but I realized in my nerd slaughtering anger, I had taken out Jade as well. 

Suddenly the realization of what I had just done hit me like a brick wall, I fell to my knees, devastated once again, and screamed,

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO", to the universe in all it's dramatic glory.

I'd like to thank the academy, it was one hell of a performance.

Afterwords, I cleaned up all of the bodies including Jade's and me and my daughter had a nice Father/Daughter activity day using these machines she showed me in the garage that turned bodies into big red sausages that we took home in giant coolers and then fed to shelter dogs and cats in need. 

What a good guy I am, helping those poor puppies and kitties.

It was a unique journey, but don't fuck with my daughter or I'll turn you into sausages and feed you to the dogs.