Balls Capone

Hench-Man and Barnaby - Episode 1 - by P.N. Neville


Last night I experienced the story of two super heroes. Hench-Man and Barnaby, his sidekick. They weren't good, nor were they evil, they were just assholes. They had super powered ability to play sick jokes on people. They found anything gross incredibly funny and would play disgusting pranks on all the real superheroes, like Razor, you know, the usual masked bad guy stopping crime fighter type.


Hench-man found it absolutely delightful to fuck with Razor whenever possible. Hench-man had the ability to teleport gas from his constantly bloated colon directly into his hand and could send out farts so bad, that it could bring even the most evil villain to his knees.


Razor absolutely HATED the two of them, he called them the "Fart Fairies", and he had good reason.


See, a few years back Razor had been chasing the wicked Train Mangler and was very close to finally catching that bastard after years of failed attempts, but Hench-man and Barnaby had put a giant diarrhea filled balloon in his pitch black superhero mobile and when he got in to give chase, it popped.


Razor was instantly blinded by the thick chunky mess and brought immediate groceries, his fancy superhero mobile coming to a sudden screeching halt. He was so busy frantically picking the peanuts and corn from his hair and teeth that the Train Mangler managed to escape yet again, to mangle another day!


Razor stepped from his superhero mobile, absolutely furious, and completely ready to do battle with and finally put both Hench-man and Barnaby in their graves. He had had enough, as this wasn't the first time he had been targeted by the two. He stepped to the edge of the street, his face like iron, fists clenched with murderous fury.


There they were, Hench and Barn on the other side of the street laughing so hard they could barely stay standing. Their laughter was so contagious it brought by standards around to join in and soon there was a crowd of people laughing along with them. In a rage, Razor took out his trusty throwing ax and threw it at Hench-man with all his mighty ability, but Hench had prepared for this, he had surrounded himself and his sidekick with the mighty corrosive power of his gas, which upon contact with the metal of the ax, instantly dissolved it into thin air.


This made Hench and Barn laugh even harder. In a fog of hate and embarrassment, Razor rushed back to his fancy superhero mobile and fled the scene.


"Fuck these people and this entire city, the Train Mangler can have it", he thought to himself as he sped away.


Razor would not be seen again for years.


Forward now to two years later and we see Hench and Barn finally in custody, as this time they had gone too far. On the night before, they had snuck into the mansion of the good mayor of the city and stuck bloody toilet paper all over his face while he slept. They then hid and patiently waited for him to awake and freak out. They couldn't wait, this was going to be funnier than any prank they had ever pulled off before.


But the plan backfired. The mayor awoke with fright, he jumped out of bed and upon seeing himself in his mirror covered in bloody toilet paper, he panicked, ran backwards towards the bathroom, and fell through the window of his 5 story mansion. Uh oh. Hench and Barn winced in horror as they heard the sickening thud of his body on the hard pavement below. The good mayor had fallen to his splattering death.


Hench and Barn were arrested immediately for the murder of the good mayor. They pleaded their case, it was only a prank, but it fell on deaf ears, as they had done so many disgusting pranks to nearly everyone in the city, they had no allies left.


The Judge was ruthless, he ordered both to be "absorbed", a horrifying painful punishment that ultimately leads to death. They were stripped of their superhero tools and uniforms, down to only their underwear, and were to be brought to a facility that had all these tubes installed in the walls. The tubes were filled with a yellow slime substance and you were slid down into it. Then the iron cap would close, leaving you trapped in your tube with nothing but a small window in the iron door for light.


The yellow slime was a digestive and you were to be slowly digested over a period of what was about a year or so, until you would eventually just turn into the yellow ooze and help to digest the next poor victim. A horrifying fate.


Hench and Barn were placed on the prison train to the facility where they would meet this doom. The last they heard was the guard saying in a laughing manner,


"They're legs should be totally rotted by Christmas......what a gift!", as the train slowly jolted forward.


But as the train started to pick up speed there was a strange thump on the roof of the prison car, followed up by the sound of crunching and twisting metal. A large explosion rocked the train and the prison car was ejected backwards in the opposite direction where it ultimately derailed and fell onto its side.


Hench and Barn were free, what was happening?? They both crawled out of the train car onto its top to find massive destruction. The bodies of the guards and train crew littered the blackened soil.


Wait, was it? No, it couldn't be, yes, the Train Mangler! In mangling this train, he had inadvertently saved the disgusting duo!


But where would they go now as fugitives from justice? How would they live? Who would they play pranks on now?


There, hidden in his hideaway for the last few years, Razor stood watching the scene on his monitor, hate in his eyes and heart. He no longer wished to hunt the Train Mangler, he had a new enemy to pursue. Hench and Barn were now public enemy number one and Razor swore with his own blood, as the knife cut through his hand that there would be no escape for the Disgusting Duo. Justice would be his.


Will this be the end of the Disgusting Duo? Will Razor finally catch up with them and gaze upon their bones?


Find out next time! Same Disgusting time, same Disgusting Channel.