Read My Crap - Charlie

Crazy dreams, an intense adventure of danger, kidnappers, dark basements, and strange really angry lego men.

It started out in my home town of Centerville, but as normal, my dream version is always a bit different. There are more buildings, different streets, strange giant machines, rooms in my house that don't exist, tunnels, and things of that sort. I can always tell what kind of dream it's going to be by the color of the sky and the look of the buildings, the more normal they look, the better the dream, the more Gothic and darker, the scarier. This one was Gothic, Bat-Man Gotham City levels of dark, so I knew I was in for a dark adventure. I was myself, but in the dream, I was a child again and I was going to my old Elementary School with my friends as I used to back in the day. The school looked the same, but up in the corner of the large baseball/soccer field they had sold off a good quarter chunk of it for cheap crappy house development, but right in the middle stood this big tall old-fashioned castle like house, made of grayish brick with Gothic designs inlaid and such. It looked very out of place with the rest of the modern plywood fortresses around it. It caught my attention immediately and I started heading toward it. My friends had moved on without me and off to school as I should have, but I had to be curious.

As I approached the house, I noticed a dog sitting in the bushes, it looked like a golden retriever, but had the face and head of a wiener dog. It looked extremely old, its eyes were cloudy, it had a droopy snout and very few, if any teeth. It had an evil vibe and it just sat there and stared at me. It creeped me out, so I turned around and ran back towards school when I ran right into a guy in a black cowboy hat. I slammed into him and fell to the ground. He had black eyes and black teeth and looked insanely scary, but to everyone else around, he must have looked like a completely normal guy because all the other people around didn't see anything wrong with this man. I don't know if he knew that I could see this other face of his, so I pretended not to notice.

"Hey there, turbo!", "Where you going in such a hurry?" he said in a laughing manner. "Uhh, back to school, I need to get to school", I said nervously. "Non-sense, you see, this here is my house and I know you want a look around inside", "now don't be nervous, son I ain't gonna hurt ya", he said in his country fried manner. So, being a stupid kid, I went with him into the big Gothic Castle house, at this point I had already forgotten about what this man's face looked like when I fell. But I guess it didn't matter, because his face looked normal now. I must have hit my head harder than I thought. We walked around his large house and he showed me all sorts of strange items and collectibles from his life. He seemed like a normal cool person, maybe I was wrong about this man, he was starting to grow on me.

After a time, I had to take a whiz, so I asked where the bathroom was, and the man pointed around the corner with his finger. I walked around the corner and there was that creepy dog, sitting in the bathroom doorway staring at me with those dead eyes. Annoyed, I decided to stare back, a chill went through my entire body and the dogs face changed into a rotting black skeleton face, gurgling out black fluid and moving from side to side. It took my breath away and I fell to the floor, breaking eye contact. When I dared look up again, the dog was back to normal, but still just sitting there staring at me. "I see you've met old Charlie?", said the man as he walked into the room. "Don't let him frighten you, he looks scary sometimes, but he's just an old nice pup.", he said while patting Charlie on the side, who still never moved, blinked, or made any signs of life at all. "We never were properly introduced", said the man. "My name is A.H. Hatley and that there is Charlie." We shook hands briefly but something in the man’s eyes made me nervous, I didn't trust him, but once again I let it go as not to seem rude. I introduced myself as well, then told him that I should probably be going, I was already late for school.

"You’ll be fine, I know your teacher! Just come on down to the game room for minute", said Mr. Hatley as he pointed down a set of stairs leading into the darkness. Like a complete fool, I headed right down. Oh boy! Games! I love games, I wonder if he has pinball machines! I was super excited and skipped down the stairs with glee until I couldn't see any more, it was pitch black. Then a small desk lamp in the corner came on. It was another man, a rough looking hillbilly redneck type in dirty Carhart overalls.

Something wasn’t right, there were no games here, just this creepy guy. "Stand right there", said the man as Mr. Hatley approached from behind. "Take good care of this one, Jack, he's special", said Mr. Hatley as he ran his fingers through my hair. He then looked down at me, winked and said "Sorry, son it ain't nothin’ personal" and walked out of the room. I screamed in terror, something was very wrong, at that point, Jack came up from behind me and locked my hands together with these big thick mid-evil irons. He looked at me coldly and said, "I hope you told yer mama you loved her this mornin', cause you ain't never gonna see her again”, and he shoved me through a large iron door way into a giant dark underground cavern.

The moans of screams of other children could be heard coming from all directions. He brought me into a cell with 4 other children chained to the wall. He chained me there next to them, but before leaving he got right up in my face, caressed it gently with his stubby dirty fingers, then licked me all the way up the side of my face. It was sickening. He just laughed as he left the cell. It was so dark in there, I could barely see anything, then I heard a voice from across the cell. “Hey, who are you? Are you okay?”, it was the kid across the wall from me. “I’m Duane, that’s Bill, Rachel, and John”, “do you know where we are?” “I’m Pat, we’re in Utah, what is this? Why are we here?”, I asked. “You’re gonna have to do what they say now”, said Rachel. “Yeah, or they’ll lock you in a room with Charlie, that daemon dog and he will destroy your mind and kill your soul”, said Bill. These were all kidnapped children from all over the place, these people were slavers and dealt in children. We were to be groomed and sold to the highest bidder, this place was just the holding area which was called “The Pit” where “freshies”, as they called newcomers like myself, were to be broken and trained before transport to whoever bought you.

It seemed to work, as the other children around seemed to willfully accept their situation and were just happy that they were on the roster to be sold and would soon be getting out of “The Pit.” But some of the kids in my cell weren’t taking it so well, like John, he kept crying out for his mom over and over and screaming. Rachel and Bill tried desperately to calm him down, as they knew it would eventually bring Jack back, and it did. I heard the clanking of the iron lock, the large door opening, then slamming shut again. Then the silhouette of Jack growing larger on the cold rock floor as he approaches. “Shut up, God Dammit, or you’re gonna get it, I mean it!”, bellowed Jack. “You’re lucky you already sold, or I’d bring Charlie down here, you little shits.” He then reached into his pocket and pulled something out which he threw at John. I looked down, it was a big pink dildo. Jack just chuckled to himself and said, “heh, better start practicin’, kid”, then disappeared into the darkness.

I now feared greatly for my cornhole, I had to get out of here, and with as many of these poor kids that I could take with me. So, I began looking for weakness in my irons, why were they using mid-evil irons? It seemed strange and I’m a kid, I’m small and I’m skinny, these irons are made for full sized adults. As soon as I realized that, my arms slid right out of the irons. This was all part of the training, everything is an illusion. They’re using your own mind against you, you make your own prison and willfully stay chained up when the chains don’t even fit! Now to convince the others, but it wasn’t going to be easy, Duane, Bill, and Rachel didn’t believe me and couldn’t seem to get out of their irons, but they encouraged me to go, find help, and free them all.

I slipped out of the cell and into the dark passageway, I was trying to find that door I saw open when Jack came in, but all I could feel is solid rock. All I was doing was stumbling around in the darkness. Then I saw a doorway in the darkness that lead into another dark room, this was all very haunted house like. This time there was a lamp in the corner that dimly lit the room. It was empty except for one of those big old iron coal stoves with a big chimney pipe that lead up into the darkness. It looked like it hadn’t been used in 100 years, but the whole room was covered in white ash, even the walls. I felt like I was being watched, there was no other way out except for how I came in, so I cautiously started backing away toward the door.

Suddenly a weak voice came from the far corner of the room, “Turn off that light, they’re coming…”, so I did. I hid in the dark corner of the room as I watched Jack and a couple of his goons pass the doorway. When their light faded, the voice spoke again, “who are you?”, “you’re not one of them, why are you here?” I explained who I was and asked if there was any way to get out of this horrible dark pit. I turned on the light and there in the middle of the room stood a strange looking skinny man, naked except for some beat up black boxers, and all covered in ash. “I am Asher”, he wheezed.

“I was here before and I will be here after, for I am damned to an eternity in the ash room, these are the remains of those who don’t obey, here they are turned to ash and I must live amongst them. You must leave here quickly, or you will surely become an addition to my surroundings.” Asher then pointed to the big chimney pipe leading out of the giant coal stove. The iron doors creaked as I slowly opened them, Asher then pointed into the darkness with his shaky skinny finger and said in a whisper, “Crawl….” And with not other option or choice, I crawled into the stove and up the pipe. I could feel the crunch and popping of the skulls and bones of the many who perished here under my hands and knees as I crawled through. The iron door swung shut and once again I was lost in a world of pitch black, crawling slowly ever onward. After what felt like an eternity in the darkness, I saw light pouring in above me.

There was a little hole in the pipe, and I could see the sunshine, I was out, I was now above the ground. I began kicking the side of the pipe until it broke open and I was able to slide out. I was far from the place I had begun. The pipe came out of the ground and curved back into the hillside above. There was no one here, the grass was beautifully green, there were groups of colorful flowers scattered here and there across rolling hills in the distance, warm sunshine, perfect little fluffy clouds, it was like paradise compared to the pit. I was on the bank of a river that flowed about 15 feet below. It was the most gorgeous shade of blue and green and little red boats floated in the middle with these little guys in them that looked almost like Lego men. They had square bodies with the same shaped heads and almost painted on features. I didn’t care who it was, I was so super excited, I was saved! Finally, someone to help me get back home, all I wanted to do was go home. I hollered out as loud as I could to get their attention, they heard me, and looked up at me. But instead of a greeting, their happy Lego man smile faces, turned upside down into frowny scary angry faces and it was clear, these were not friends. They had these rope weapons they would throw and if they hit you, would swing around you, find your head, and lop it clean off. More of them appeared down the bank from me and the same thing, as soon as they saw me the happy face turned into the angry ones and they started after me. In a panic, I ran up the hillside trying to get away from these things, but like an idiot I tripped and went rolling back down the hill. I had speed and rolled right passed the Lego guys and off the cliff, down into the river. As soon as I hit the water I blacked out.

I woke up on the bank of the river in Ogden Canyon, at least I was back in reality. Was it all a bad dream? Had I been drinking? I don’t think so. I pulled my groggy self up from the ground, knocking off the gravel and crap stuck to me. It felt like I had been there for eternity. My clothes were ripped, dirty, and I was soaked but I didn’t care, all I had to do is flag down a car and get back home. Then I started to feel woozy, my head hurt, it felt like my mind was on fire, like my head was going to explode. I looked across the road and in the bushes was Charlie, that damn devil dog, using his evil powers on me. I ran down the road to a parking lot and found an unlocked car that just happened to have the keys in it. So, I cranked it over and started to get the hell out of there. But I was kid in this dream, so my legs were small, and my driving skills were feeble. I was having a hell of time keeping the damn car on the curving road. I could feel Charlie was still in my head, trying to stop me, the road almost seemed to turn into water and every correction I made of the car, it seemed to have the opposite effect and pretty soon, I was careening off the road and down into the river.

Crap. Suddenly I’m back in weirdo Lego man world floating down that blue and green river, when I heard my name called from the bank. I looked over and it’s Mr. Hatley with Charlie by his side. He’s laughing like crazy and pointing downstream, I look down and there’s a little waterfall, it doesn’t look menacing at all, so I’m not understanding his laughter. That is until I got a little closer, after the waterfall the water turned grey and oily, I could see other cars down in the water with skeletons inside, many of them reaching out toward me, as if they knew I was coming. I had come to the pool of death, I knew if I touched that water, I’d be the next skeleton to join the club. So I climbed out the car window and launched myself onto the shore. The car fell off the short water fall, but when it hit the grey water, it crushed into ball and sunk to the depths. I wasn’t out of danger yet, one of those Lego man weapons came whipping by and I knew I had to find a way back to reality again. This Lego man world really sucks, what a bunch of dicks, I promised myself then and there if I lived through this and got back home, I was going to burn ALL of my Legos. It seemed the river was the portal and falling into it was the way back and forth. I took off up the bank, but it’s hard not to be seen in this place, there’s no damn trees, just groups of colorful flowers and super green grass, so everywhere you go, you stick out like a sore thumb. I could see a group of angry Lego guys heading my way, so I just stared running as fast as I could toward them, I needed to make it to the banks above the river before they cut me off. It worked, I plunged off the edge and swan dived right into the river.

Again, I wake up on the side of the road in Ogden Canyon, groggy, wet, and dirty. I quickly got up and hid behind a parked car. I didn’t see Charlie this time, so hopefully I can get out of here without having to go back to Lego world. There was a diner nearby, so I decided to go in. The place was packed, and when I walked in everyone stopped to look at me. The hostess ran over to help me, she was very concerned for my well-being. She brought me a coat and a cup of hot chili, which I hate, but I ate anyway. It was weird tasting and had really gross rubbery meat in it. She then took me back to a booth to wait while she called someone, and who’s in the booth? Mr. Hatley and Charlie. “No!”, I screamed and jumped back from the table. The waitress grabbed me by the shirt, turned to me and yells “WHAT’S WRONG LITTLE BOY, SOMETHING SCARRRRRY?!?!”, in a frightening creepy voice as her face changed into a horrifying snake like witch creature. She opened her mouth and it opened as big as half my body, I could see blood and several severed fingers in her mouth. “If you will not be our slave, you will be consumed!”, she hissed and enveloped me in her mouth, sucking me in slowly. I was fighting like mad, I could feel certain death in her belly awaiting me. I reached out and grabbed a fork off the table while I still could and started jamming this thing as hard as I could. She spit me out and recoiled under the table and disappeared into Charlie, it was that damn evil dog the whole time. It’s eyes, always locked on me, always trying to get into my mind. I no longer feared it, I just wanted to kill now, KILL that damn dog and grind his bones into dust! I looked over at the two of them and told them I would see them hung and damned to hell for eternity. Mr. Hatley just smirked and said, “You’re goin’ back.” Then I ran, out the door and into the woods. Maybe I could find somewhere else to go.

After running for some time, I found a fire truck sitting in a clearing, I opened the door and crawled into the back. Totally exhausted, I fell into a deep sleep, dreams within dreams. I was suddenly in a damp environment, hardly any air, and slime everywhere. I was in some sort of sack and I couldn’t get out. Then it hit me, I’m in that creatures’ belly! It got me, oh no, it got me! I tried to struggle but couldn’t move hardly at all, my arms were trapped at my side and I was powerless to do anything. I then felt a warmth on my head and back as a gross yellow paste was being excreted into the sack, at first it felt kind of good, then it started to burn horribly, I was being digested, a large amount started flowing in and the sack began to pulse with a chewing action, I looked down and my arms and legs were skeletonized and I was dissolving into a thick yellowish paste. I was soon overwhelmed by the paste and all I could hear was the wet squishing, slopping, pulsating sounds of the stomach chewing me up.
It was the end, I accepted it, and prepared for death, then suddenly I awoke with a start in the fire truck where I had fallen asleep. It was all just a horrible dream. The fire truck was now moving and the friendly firemen had made me a little bed in the back. This was it, I was finally going home, this insane nightmare was finally over.

The firemen dropped me off at home, I was so happy to be there! Finally, I could rest, safe in my own house, in my own bed. I opened the door and my Mom was standing there looking down at something.
“Look, Pat-Man!”, she said “We got a new dog today, he’s a rescue, but he’s a real sweetheart!”

It was Charlie…….