Balls Capone

I came to on what I felt was a rollercoaster, I was strapped into a seat with someone right beside me, it was an old man who wouldn't do anything else but sit there and blink. Then I realized that it was a movie theater and I was sitting in a chair watching this boring old black and white movie with the same old man next me. Then I realized it wasn't a movie theatre, but a conference room in a hotel and I was sitting in those matching uncomfortable hotel chairs. My ass hurt from sitting there and I decided to get up and leave, so I headed out the double doors on the right and into a hallway.

The hallway was filled with people, all sorts of people from all walks of life, and it led down to the main lobby, but as I stepped into the main lobby everything went into a fast forward-like motion. It was like watching 18 different movies all on top of each other, I couldn't make out what was what. But off to the side of me I could see a woman standing next to a mirror, dressed in 1940's attire, and loudly crying and practicing in the mirror what seemed like a breakup speech, or some kind of confession.

"Billy, I'm sorry, I can't, I just can't.....", she moaned over and over, "I'm sorry, I just can't!", and her hands would go to her face as she sobbed uncontrollably.

But as I watched her repeat her lines once again, I saw her eye quickly move over to me and back. She saw me. She could see me, it was like no one else could see me at all. So, I asked her if she could help me and tell me where I was. She stopped sobbing and stared at the floor.

"Have you found your room yet?", she asked me in a whimper. "What room? Where am I?", I asked. "She looked at me with super sad eyes and said, "I don't want to talk to you anymore” and proceeded back to her dialog in the mirror. That's when I heard a whistle behind me and there was an old-fashioned police officer standing there. You know, the kind from like 1910 with the fancy uniform and big silver buttons down the front, no gun, just a baton, and a whistle. He beckoned me over to him and he took me by the arm, a little forcefully I must add. "Come on, let's get you to your room", he said as he started guiding me down the hallways toward the rooms.

"Right down there, and to the left", he said and pointed down a hall. So, I walked down the hall and turned left at my door when an old lady in a nightgown opened the door. "OH, hello! Welcome, welcome, come right in", she said with a smile. The room was filled with people! There was an old man in pajamas in the bed sitting there quietly reading a book, a woman with 1980's exercise clothes and hair do on an old school exercise bike just really going for it, a young man sitting on the floor by the window smoking a cigarette, and an English man who was secretly cross dressing in this hotel, super stoked about the new dress he just bought, and his new tattoo of a large purple rose on his thigh. What the hell were all these people doing in my room? I wished they’d all leave, it was cramped, and who are these people? Suddenly they all vanished and I was alone in the room. I suddenly realized that I could turn it on and off, I had the choice to see them or not see them, but no matter what, they were still there. These are my roommates and guess what? They’re dead, and so was I!

The guy on the floor smoking just kind of chuckled at me and said, “Hey, you’re getting it down fast, most people take a couple eons to find out what you just found out in a day. Don’t worry, you’re gonna be good at this”, he smiled as he blew the smoke out of his nose. Good at what? Being dead? Oh good, I’m super awesome at being dead! What an honor. So now I’m a little rattled, I live with a bunch of weirdo’s, I’m dead, I’m living in some kind of half way hotel, and hardly anyone can see me. So, I asked the smoking guy “Why am I here in this hotel, why this?”, and he basically told me that this is where I was truly happy once in life, here in this hotel, with my wife, we spent the millennium together in this room. “See, you’re even wearing the robe they gave you at check-in back then”, he said amusingly. So I looked down and I was, I was wearing a pink fluffy robe with the hotel logo on it.

“What? What hotel? What wife? I never spent the millennium in a hotel room, this must be some kind of mistake, I must be mixed up with someone else”, I said. He just shrugged his shoulders and flicked the cigarette out the window and said “Hey, it happens”, and vanished from sight. Wait, so now I’m not even really myself, I’m a mix with some other dork? Great, what am I going to do here? What am I supposed to do? So, I got up and headed back out into the hallway and that’s where I saw her.

I was immediately attracted to her, and she noticed me right off as well, she was tall with dark hair, bright red lipstick, and dressed in a sharp yellow pants suit. She looked very professional, but so very attractive at the same time. She had an energy about her that was so alluring. We began to speak immediately, and she quickly whisked me off into a dark corner to talk. “Hey, wanna get out of here?”, she said. “Yes, please!”, I answered excitedly. So, she took my hand and led me down another hallway, this one had no people in it and it seemed like the air was super smokey down here, but she kept pulling me and told me to just keep walking. “See this room here? “, she said as she pointed to a pair of double doors. “This is all mine”, as she pushed open the door. Inside there was a whole city skyline and suddenly we were standing at a dock next to a boat. The moon was out, and stars sparkled above, a very romantic setting.

In the middle of the skyline was a giant tower with rings around the top. She pointed up and said, “there, that’s my apartment, welcome to my world.”. “This is all yours?”, I asked, “how did you manage to do all this?” “I’ve been here for eons, honey, I know how to cook!”, she said as she headed toward the elevator at the tower. I willfully followed; this was looking like a damn good time. The elevator ride up was like a blackout, one second, you’re at the bottom, then snap, you’re at the top. The apartment was huge and circular and at the very top of the tower, the view was incredible, you could see the entire city glowing in the distance for miles in every direction. What city was it? Who knows, not one from this plane existence anyway. She came up behind me and wrapped her warm arms around me, it was a little chilly up there, so the warmth felt good, and she smelt great.

“You want something to drink”, she whispered in my ear as she kissed my neck. “Most certainly”, I replied, trying to be as super sexy as I could be, which coaxed a little giggle out of her. “I like you”, she said “We’re gonna have a great time here, you and I”, as she handed me a drink and once again began to kiss my neck softly. I took a sip of my drink but as soon as I did something just felt off, there was a feeling in the pit of my stomach that something was terribly wrong. Was this poison? Wait, how do you poison a dead guy? HaHa, what a silly thought, why am I trying to ruin this? I thought to myself. Just go with it, dumbass. She came up behind me again and wrapped her arms around me, forcing me down playfully onto the couch. I was ready for love, so I turned round to kiss her and suddenly her face had changed.

She looked like an evil witch or an Orc, gross skin, rotting flesh, and a hooked nose that attached to her upper lip, and a rusty iron ring in the hole. This was no woman; this was something terrible. Her eyes were two burning coals that burned bright with fire and pure evil.

“Time to get out the fire tray!”, she hissed at me as I ran for the door.

Somehow I made it down the tower without her getting me, but then I remember that in this world I can really do whatever I wanted, so I imagined the entire tower rigged with explosives, I pulled my phone from my pocket and there was a big red “GO”, button on the screen. I could see those eyes burning in the window far above, the pulsing evil filling the air. I just smiled and hit the button. The building exploded into dust and dropped on top of her in a controlled demolition. I beat her, she thought I was noob and that I had no power here. She was wrong. So, feeling good, I kicked open the double doors and headed back out into the hallway.

Standing there in the hallway was that old time cop again. He shook his head in disappointment and said “come on then, let me show you something, but whatever you do, don’t let go of me, stay focused”, and he lead me to the end of the hallway. “Be careful of the dark corners”, he said, “they are entrances to “their” side”, as he walked me into a dark corner. Suddenly we were in another hallway, but the light here was dim, and the air was smokey, like being in an old school bar or party where everyone smoked indoors. “Feel the difference here?”, said the officer as he led me down the hallway. Just then one of the room doors cracked open and a woman in a red dress stepped out. She was the ultimate in beauty, like my dream girl times a thousand, I was so drawn to her, the desire pulled me toward her like strong arms. “HEY!”, said the officer as he pulled me back sharply, “See what they do? Don’t let them get you or you will become one of them.” The woman in the door way then threw open the door to her room fully and you could see a man tied upside down in her room on some kind of horrible spiked wheel, he was half gray, moaning in pain, and there was another woman in a red dress stabbing him repeatedly with a giant syringe and taking out some kind of bright fluid from his body, then drinking it. She looked like a skeleton lizard thing and she hissed at me as we passed by.

“You have to be careful here”, said the officer, “they will take you and drain your light force to feed themselves and the others, you cannot save those who have been taken, if you try you will only end up on the spoked wheel as well. Never let them tempt you, love does not work here like it did in the real world. It is a trick. The others are dark beings that are not human, they never have been and never will be. No one really knows what they are or where they come from, but you cannot see them, you can only feel them and their influence. They are like a gas that can seep into any space. These women, you see, they were once just like us, taken by the others or their minions. This is their world, yet they walk among us as well. It is up to you to guard yourself from their influence. I am here to keep the peace and protect those who do not know any better, but now that you know, you must protect yourself, I cannot save you, you must do that.”

“Who are you?”, I asked. “Just call me, Officer Friendly”, he said as he guided me back to the lobby, which was now in one world, not 18 at the same time. “There are many here”, said Officer Friendly, “some choose to only see the world they knew and they will not be able to see you, others choose to see everything and everyone, some cannot see and will walk around almost in a trance like state. They are not being rude, they don’t mean anything by it, they are just in a different place than you. Don’t take it personally, and for Pete’s sake, HAVE FUN here!”, he finished as he tipped his hat to me and vanished into some other realm.

Well, now what? This wasn’t the Hotel California, you could certainly leave, but where would I go? What world would I encounter if I did leave? So I just found my way to the hot tub and poured myself a glass of fine Champaign to sip, making sure to avoid the dark corners and creepy hallways of the hotel, and when I returned to my room, I had the option of seeing all my fellow roommates or turning them off and being by myself. No matter what, you were never alone anywhere, ever. There’s a lot of people out there, so you have to share. They would come to temp me again, the others, but now I knew and I could see it under the disguise they wore. Their intense beauty, only skin deep was no real cover for the burning evil inside. I would never end up on their wheel!

And I guess that’s what I do with eternity.