Balls Capone

Fun dreams last night, I was watching a cartoon version of myself, that old time Disney animation.  But for some reason I knew my name was, Timmy, I just knew it somehow.  It was my room he was in, but how it was a long long time ago when I first moved here.  It was painted bright yellow, the walls above the windows were cracked and stained from the port of an old coal stove that used to be there at some point in antiquity. 

It was the middle of the night and little Timmy was fast asleep in his bed when he was awoken by a thud down the hallway and little Timmy got up to go see what was going on.  "Mom, is that you?", said little Timmy as he picked up his comically oversized cartoon glasses from the nightstand, put them on, and slid out of bed, slowly peeking around the doorway and down the hallway.  He could see a light coming from the bathroom and a voice muttering lightly to itself, but Timmy couldn't make out the voice as anyone he knew. 

Is it Mom or Dad?  No, it couldn't be, again the voice wasn't familiar to him as he slowly crept down the hallway towards the bathroom.  Now he could make out the words, as he was right beside the bathroom door, pressed up against the wall to keep from being seen.

"Where are they, oh where could they be??  Is this not a well fed family of five?  Oh, where ever could they be!", the voice muttered along with more thuds and clanking sounds. 

It didn't sound particularly frightening, so little Timmy decided to quickly peak around the corner and see.  There, in the bathroom was a tall skinny man wearing a dirty yellow and brown striped t-shirt under a filthy stained brown jacket and another shorter chubby bald guy with a mustache and a yellow t-shirt with a "C" on it.  I knew immediately who they were and so did little Timmy,  it was the Turd Burglar and his companion the Corn Caballero!

They had the family toilet removed and the Turd Burglar was reaching down the slophole with his skinny arms feeling and trying to find something, yet he was having a hell of a time finding any turds to burgle because he kept getting his head smashed against the wall by the Corn Caballero's big fat belly.  Little Timmy was trying hard not to burst into laughter, as it was truly a quite silly sight.  But just then, he hit the jackpot!  Delighted, the Turd Burglar gently scooped up every one and carefully laid them into his Turd Tote. 

"Yes.....oh yes, so precious, and another precious, oh, so dear....", cooed the Turd Burglar as he found turd after turd. 

Little Timmy didn't know what to think, so he turned around and just went back to bed.  Then, as he tried to fall asleep her heard a noise at his window, it was the Turd Burglar and the Corn Caballero making their escape out Timmy's open window and just as the Turd Burglar was climbing out, he glanced up at little Timmy with a wink who now had his eyes open, and asked the Turd Burglar,

"Why, Turd Burglar?  Why?",

and just at that moment Turd Burglar seemed to be shaken by little Timmy's question and wasn't watching where he was going, so he tripped and fell forward, causing him to wedge his head chin first in the crack of the big fat ass of the Corn Caballero, who was having a hard time squeezing out the window.  Muffled expletives flowed as he comically pulled and pulled until he popped his head out.  Enraged, the Turd Burglar kicked his silly companion in the ass until he popped out the window, but then the Turd Burglar quickly turned away and in a flash, fled to the Turd Mobile to make his get away.  It was a rusty brown 1970's Ford LTD that sputtered away down the street. 

Little Timmy wasn't sure what to make of all this.  So he just went back to sleep, trying to process his strange encounter with the Turd Burglar.