Balls Capone

I was watching a news report about the newcomers and they were interviewing a General about possible security issues and such. He was telling us that they seem completely harmless and probably really do just want to help us, but there's just something, something about them that just, I don't know, makes you want to kick their asses!

And how true that was, because after a little while, the excitement had worn off and people were just kind of going back to their normal routines. This seemed to really bother the Geldmar and over the next few months they began to talk directly to humanity through whatever means they could. TV's, Radio, Internet, etc. You'd be binge watching your favorite show when the screen would suddenly go black. Then, a special message from the Geldmar would come on, asking us if we needed anything and if we were okay. Are you mad at us? Did we do something wrong? Can we do anything to help you today?

Soon it would turn into text messages, every day, all the time, some Geldmar would be asking you how your day was. If you didn't respond right away, one would show up at your door with some kind of gift and an intense intention to "talk about it."

Some people welcomed them into their homes and were honored by their presence, but soon they would come to regret it. The Geldmar looked like us, but they radiated a kind of sickly field of biological matter that got all over everything, like a dudes pillow when you take off the pillow case, that yellow you find underneath. But the Geldmar could yellow your walls within a week. It got everywhere and on everything, kind of like being inside a house where people have been smoking for 30 years. That greasy residue that gets all over everything. It was revolting and if you didn't keep up with it, you're house became this stenching greasy pit of disaster. Worse, if the Geldmar became overly emotional or depressed, it got even worse. The biological material would take on the traits of the emotions they felt, so if you made them sad, your whole house became a giant nexus of sadness until you managed to clean off all the gross residue.

What's worse, is they were super easy to upset, not to anger, but to sadness and depression. It was like living with a seriously mentally ill person. One wrong move could trigger an enveloping sadness that took over your entire space. After a couple years it became unbearable for most of humanity to deal with.

People began kicking their asses on a regular basis and they would just sit there and take it, then just get more sad and send out more sadness grease to the surrounding area. Another shitty thing is we found the technology they gave us was actually a poor copy of some other technology they had stolen from another race. It was like space Temu tech, none of it really worked, it looked cool, but that was about it. Nothing they did ever really helped humanity, other than we all stopped everything else to deal with their deflated tire like race. So I guess they did stop war and brought us a really depressing peace. But I guess it was peace nonetheless. We also found out that they had found and destroyed any evidence or items relating to any other extraterrestrial beings, like a crazy jealous girlfriend. Things were not looking good, the sadness was spreading and people were giving less and less of a shit every day.

Soon the killings began, people couldn't take it anymore and were trying to kill the Geldmar, who didn't understand why we were so angry at them. They begged us not to be angry and to forgive them, but people had had it, they wanted the Geldmar gone.

Then, when things looked the bleakest, another race of humanoid beings appeared. These were the Jaxlord and the Jaxlord knew exactly what we were dealing with. The Jaxlord were the bullies and the Geldmar were the nerds. With little communication the Jaxlord went to work and soon the Geldmar were fleeing from the power of the Jaxlord's atomic wedgies. Every toilet on earth had the pleasure of swirling the face of a Geldmar, which left an imprint in the porcelain for all time, a reminder of a terrible time in history. So, everytime anyone threw brown, they were throwing on the face of a Geldmar, this seemed to really please everyone and after the last Geldmar left, the human race rejoiced in togetherness. The Jaxlord left with them and never said much, but we owe our peace and general sanity to them. Praise the Jaxlord! Our true saviours.

The interest in visitors from space dropped to nearly zero for many years afterwards. The thoughts of visiting species kind of made our collective stomachs turn. Nah, we're good, leave us alone.

Damn space nerds. We must be cautious in the future, the Geldmar were truly a curse.