Balls Capone

Poor Choices - With your host, Patrick Neville. 

Today's Memory:  Ginger from Salina.

There once was a little beer bar right off of main street in the little tiny town of Salina, Utah.  Being rural Utah, it was a strange and unexpected place to find a drinking establishment, so I would stop in there whenever I was passing through.  I was usually one of the only people in there other than the bar tender, but she was a cool lady and usually had some interesting stories to tell. 

It was the summer of 2003, I was on my way back to my friend Bob's place after a trip to Salt Lake to pick up some furniture, being nearly there, we stopped in for a mug of shitty Utah beer.  Bob had some phone calls to make and was heading over to the gas station across the street to attend to some business.

I was sitting at the bar sipping my mug of swill when the door swung open and a few people came stumbling in.  In front was a tall skinny woman, decent looking, nice paint job, body work, but certainly some serious miles on the old drive train. 

She sees me and instantly sits right next to me at the bar. 

"Hey, good lookin........I'm Ginger", she states in a sultry gravelly voice.

"Care to buy a classy lady a cold one?", she enquired while giving me the bedroom eyes. 

She had meth on the breath, her eyes were glassy, yet glimmered like a thousand brand new meth pipes on a warm sunny day.

I figured it couldn't do any harm, so I agreed and bought her a mug of whatever she wanted. 

"Hey, this bud's for you", she said in a joking manner as her face turned to sheer delight. 

She took a long hard swig, took down almost all of it right there and then.  She slammed the mug down with a thud on the bar like a satisfied Viking soldier, she then leaned over and got up real close to me, running her hand up my inner thigh. 

"Whoa whoa whoa, lady!", I exclaimed, still shaking off the chills and goosebumps as I rocketed off my bar stool. 

"What?", she said in a playful tone as she stood up to face me.

"What?  Can't take the touch of a REAL woman?", she said as she headed in for a deadly kiss.  I don't know why I let it happen, but I did.

It was an awkward small kiss, she tasted like an old dive bar floor, but being young, dumb, and quite horny I just let it happen.  I mean, what the hell, YOLO right?  What's the worst that could happen?

A poor choice, suddenly she grabbed me by the back of the head, pulled me forward, and shoved her slimy cigarette saturated tongue down my throat while she wrapped her big gaping mouth completely over mine like a porn star on crack.  I thought she was trying to eat my face.  Extremely horrified and now covered in tobacco laden spit, I jerked my face away, trying not to blow my groceries in the process, as all I could taste and smell was 50 something year old ashtray mixed with cheap beer along with the slightest hint of a lovely chemical amphetamine bouquet. 

I turned around and darted to the bathroom to frantically wash out my mouth as she cackled like a wicked old witch.  She got a real kick out of it.  I had now kissed a "REAL" woman and I should be thankful, as she pointed out to me between belts of laughter.

So I went to the little arcade in the back of the bar and started playing some super Mario, trying to forget what just happened, hoping she'd lose interest and bail.  Suddenly, I feel a hand rub up and down my back, I turned around and there she is again.  This time she had a disheveled grumpy little man with her and she had undone 4 buttons on the top of her shirt showing off her surprisingly large and ample bosoms. 

"This is my husband, Mike", she said in a toying tone.

"Husband?" I said. 

"Oh, yeah, don't worry about Mike, he knows exactly what I like", she said with an evil little giggle.

"Ya wanna come back to the apartment for some Jello Shots and some fun?", Ginger asked invitingly. 

Mike just stood there in back with a nervous smile and said nothing.  I won't lie, for about 5 seconds I thought about it.

(NOTE:  Alcohol effects the judgment!) 

Just then, my friend Bob showed up and saved me from Ginger and her creepy husband.  Yikes.  I sure wouldn't have wanted to be the meat in that sandwich.  I never did end up going back to that little bar after that and I'm pretty sure it's long gone now.  But what a strange event.