Balls Capone

Sasq-Watchin' - by P.N. Neville

An eerie silence filled the air as I slowly walked through the scattered remains of a dead forest, the trees that still stood upright were all white and black with char from some major fire in the not so distant past, most had fallen but a few still stood proudly erect, displaying their great skeleton like structure as a memorial to what once was. The ground was covered in chunks of charred wood and ash and underneath, nothing but a thick oily black mud.

I was dressed in a totally white Colonel Sanders like suit, I had been at a fancy high class party before hand, I could sort of remember being there, but the memories were faint. I could remember not enjoying myself, feeling incredibly awkward, and the feeling of judgmental faces all about caused me to split out the back door and I simply walked into the forest and just kept going. How long have I been out here? It felt like ages, like I had simply gone to sleep but continued walking for 8 hours. There was no civilization in sight. Good thing the temperature was decent and the sun darted through the white hazy landscape from time to time.

The bright white dress shoes I was wearing were weak and not formidable at all, so with every step the mud pulled at them and the small thin laces were slowly coming apart. Up ahead of me about 100 feet away I could see water through the dead stick trees, the water was black, greasy and gross like something left in the aftermath of the eruption of a mighty volcano, that felt right, the aftermath. As I got closer to the water, the mud became deeper and pulled harder and harder on my feet. It was so hard to move now and I was super uncomfortable in this bright white suit I had on. It was so damn tight for some reason, I felt like a sausage crammed into a casing. I could barely breathe, I was exhausted, so leaning against a chunk of tree trunk for a rest I went for the buttons to open the shirt and get some room, but as I did the whole chest area gave way and these giant cartoon like boobs came bursting forth.

What the hell, where did these come from? They were massive, ridiculously big and silly, they hung from my chest like bags of bricks, they were so heavy but it sure felt great to get them out of that suit. So, trying to understand what was going on, I sat there for a minute wondering how I'm going to carry these bigguns around with me, there I sat airing my giant bosoms in the fleeting sunlight, the warmth felt so good on them and a strange feeling came over me. Hey, this is kind of nice. When suddenly I heard a voice echo from the other side of the lake. Who is that? I can't let anyone see me like this. I tried to cover myself but it was no good, the shirt was in shreds now and could no longer be worn so I just draped myself in the coat, but it barely covered the new masses that now protruded from me.

Holding the jacket closed with my hands, I looked around and at first I saw no one on the other shore, but taking a closer look I could see a furry face hiding amongst the treeline. It was Big Foot, a real sasquatch! Wow! The creature rose from the bushes, he towered over the broken trees and bushes, his body covered with a thick brown fur and long black dready hair draped down from his head. He was waving his arms above his head now trying to get my attention. But what is he saying? I was still too far away to make out any words. So I pulled out of the mud with all my might and began slogged it to the edge of the lake, but as I let go of the jacket, it would pop open again baring my magnificent warlocks for the world to gaze upon.

When I got to the shoreline I could finally understand what Mr. Foot was bellowing.

"WHORE!", screamed the big foot. "WHORE!", he yelled yet again, this time louder as his face wrinkled into a scary angry grimace.

He began to throw rocks at me and repeated his loud insults.

"WHORE!!!", he kept yelling over and over, getting more and more riled up, angry he couldn't get to me from across the lake. All he could do is throw rocks. Or so I thought. Suddenly, from the bushes behind me came another Big Foot, it seemed this one was also just as uptight as his kin across the lake.

"WHORE!", he roared at me and began to approach, clearly intent on causing me great pain and anguish. That or something even worse, I sure as hell didn't wanna get cornhauled by Big Foot in the muddy dead forest. So I jumped into the dark greasy water of the lake and began swimming, but my big cartoon boobs acted like two giant floating rafts and I was now a slave to their will. There was an outlet to this body of water and I was quickly floating toward it and away from the angry uptight big foot family.

But now I was rocketing down a raging river, bashing into rocks and trying to stay alive in a panic, but my blossoming bosom would constantly keep me afloat and on the surface, soon the current slowed and off to the side of the river I saw some tents and a couple red Ford pickup trucks parked at a picnic area. Alright! I've found someone that hopefully can help me get out of here. So I started calling for help. There were four guys on the bank with fishing poles, but all they would do is cat call me instead of helping.

"OH YEAH! BRING THOSE THINGS TO DADDY!", "HEY, YOU NEED HELP WITH THOSE?", "OH I WANNA MOTOR BOAT THOSE!"

It was infuriating, could they not see I was in mid peril? But all they could focus on was my gigantic rocking tits keeping me afloat down the river. Damn useless perverts. I would float for what felt like ages until I finally found myself washed up on a beach. It was very pleasant here, green bushes, bright colored flowers, and tall beautiful trees surrounded the area. The sky was stark blue and everything felt wonderful. I picked myself up, hauling up my massive boobs, they were even heavier now and I couldn't walk anymore. I sat on the shore and just took in the scenery.

"You might want to cover those", a voice rang out from behind me. I turned to see my Aunt Madilyn standing there holding a birght red bra in her hand. "You're gonna want this", she said to me while handing me the bra. "This will help you carry what you need to carry and there are other features as well", she said as she smiled at me. She was kind of giggling, yes, I know I look ridiculous. She had a funny look like she knew something I didn't. "What? What's so funny?", I asked as I fumbled with the red bra trying to wrangle my wild stallions. But she just turned around, walked into the bushes and vanished.

Once I finally fitted my new bright red gift, everything changed. I no longer was tired, and I could walk with ease. I also knew that this red bra had the ability to make shitty old European Cars appear anytime I wanted. All I had to do is find a road and wham, there's a rusty old Renault or a Yugo awaiting me. They were neither fast, nor comfortable, but it got you where you needed to go, eventually.

I was checking the oil on my freshly conjured up Yugo when a terrifying yet familiar voice shook the air.

"WHORE!!"

Oh no, they've found me! The Big Foot Family began to pelt me and my car with rocks. I grabbed the door handle and jumped into my shitty car, the rocks smashing into the old metal doors. I cranked the old engine and it wouldn't start. "Come on you pile of shit!", I screamed as I crammed the gas pedal. Finally, the engine sputtered to life and I was able to slowly make my getaway, engine backfiring and blowing blue smoke. A sense of relief came over me, I was finally on my way home.

On the way home I knew I needed to stop at a BBQ that my cousin Kelsey was throwing, she was getting married to this guy everyone knew as "Box Car", he seemed like a nice enough fellow and I told her that I would be there. How was I going to explain these giant breasts? But as I looked down I noticed they were gone. Now I was just a normal dude in a big red bra. Another wave of relief passed over me, awesome, everything is going back to normal.

I arrived at the BBQ and things were good! We had good times, drank plenty of good wine, and I ended up staying the night, I don't care to drink and dream drive. I was walking back to a bedroom that had been set up for me when I knocked a wallet off a shelf in the hallway. The wallet belonged to Box Car, and his real ID was showing. Curious, I picked it up and looked. Benjamin Igor Gregory Foote. Wow, what a name! I placed the wallet back on the shelf and entered the room, got myself ready and into bed. I was half asleep when I heard the door creek open and a dark shadowy head peek into the room. That feeling of being watched overwhelmed me and I grumbled as I rolled over in bed, a clear warning I knew someone was there. Then a whisper came into my ears, clear as a bell.

"Whore!"

Wait, Benjamin Igor Gregory Foote? B.I.G. Foote. Oh no! I heard a deep growl as the large creature entered the room, the door slowly closing behind it, the beam of light slowly closing upon my fear stricken face.

The door closed with a thud.

And I woke up.