Read My Crap - The Lair of Larraby

Last night in my dreams I had been kidnapped from this fun music festival I was hanging out at. I was in line to get a yumma vodka infused lime snowcone when I was taken by 3 men, they threw a burlap sack over my head and threw me in the back of this dirty old plumbing van with a bunch of old busted up yellow streaked nugget chuggers, the stench was awful. They bound my feet and my hands behind my back and stuffed a greasy old shop rag in my mouth that smelled of old gas and tasted like oil. It was hot, we were out in the desert driving somewhere very remote and far away. I was super tired in the dream and I kept nodding off to sleep. Soon I was jolted awake by one of my captors who yanked me out of the van, I could see bright sky, but it was obfuscated by clouds so it looked more white. Then I looked down, I was on the edge of a spillway of a giant dam, they had me by the arms, and I had a horrible feeling I knew what was about to happen.

"You ready to have a good time?", said one of my captors. "Yeah, hahaha, a REALLY good time?", said the other one in a sickeningly sarcastic tone.

All I could do is make grunting noises with the rag jammed in my mouth. Then I looked down below to the bottom of the spillway, it was full of brown and yellowish gurgling water which was roiling away like a sea in a hurricane. Down at the end of the spillway was a giant dark tunnel where the putrid water splashed into. It looked a lot like the spillway tunnel from the Hoover dam, huge, ominous, black, and frightening.

"You're goin' down there!", one of the captors screamed in my face as he pointed into the black hole.

I knew this was probably my fate, fear and chills of terror shot through me as they pushed me over the edge.

I splashed down into the turbulent foaming water and knew immediately, this was no regular water. This was raw sewage! I floated to the surface and was now able to spit out the greasy rag, I screamed for help with all my might but all I could hear was the cackling laughter of my captors echoing off the cement walls as I headed toward the darkness of the pipe. There was a huge drop off at an angle and I sped down the sloped pipe into the blackness, my hands and feet still bound, I struggled to keep upright as I sped through the darkness, but as I sat up I somehow managed to slow myself down. Suddenly I rammed into something with my feet, and it spun me around and around, my foot binds had got caught up on a loose piece of rebar and ripped them off, now my feet were free, but unfortunately it had turned me around and now I was shooting through the darkness completely backwards.

To my relief, soon the current slowed and the level of the water dropped, I came to halt at what I could only guess was the bottom of this spillway. There were other inlets with light coming in, but they were too far up to reach, but at least it lit up the chamber a little. There was toilet paper stuck to the walls, used condoms, and the grossest of the gross all over. But I saw graffiti on the walls which gave me hope. There must be a way in and out of here, and I must find it. I slogged through the greasy water, following the walls, looking for any way out. That's when I came across this little door embedded into the tunnel wall, it was wooden with a little iron bar window at the top. I looked through the bars and suddenly a bright light came on inside. There was a hideous face in the window, a small mutated homunculus. I asked for his help and rattled off the story of what had happened. He just looked at me with a cold glare and said,

"My name is Larraby Acres, I wasn't always like this you know, I used to own fifty of the worlds finest golf courses, but now I am imprisoned here, forever in the dark to rot, to rot! TO ROT!",

and he just kept screaming "TO ROT" over and over again. The light behind him slowly faded like an attraction in an amusement park haunted house as your car goes by. Then I heard a rumble from the darkness, a huge wave of filth water slammed into me ripping me away from the door of Larraby Acres and washing me further down into the darkness.

The current was fast and strong, I had no control this time and was spinning around wildly as I was washed further down, suddenly I noticed the tunnel becoming smaller and smaller, in a panic I tried to sit up and I bashed my head on the fast moving tunnel above me and then, blackness. I fell into dreams within dreams, floating in wispy white ripped up robes in the darkness, my very essence as thin as smoke floating in absolute nothingness.

I woke with a jolt, stuck and wedged inside of a tiny pipeline, my arms stuck at my sides, my legs unable to move, completely wedged in the rusty pipe. I tried with all my might to move something to find a way to get out of this horrible situation, but it was no use, nothing short of a blow torch could get me out of this pipe and that was about as likely as seeing a leprechaun. There was a laughter coming from the darkness above me, it was that of Larraby Acres. I screamed in desperation for his help, please, God, anyone, help me! But the laughter only grew louder as the water started coming in, the level ever so slowly rising, fear coursing through my veins, panic stricken, I tried desperately to move, but I could not. I felt the water level rise to the edge of my face, horrified, I let out one last blood curdling death scream as the putrid sewer water flowed over my face and into my mouth, turning my scream into a sickening death gargle as it poured into my lungs, drowning in filth.

But eventually panic and horror gave way to peace and acceptance as the mire filled my lungs. The end came quickly and I floated into that blackness once again, forever to float in the darkness like smoke from a cigarette trapped in a sealed room. Here I would go stale. Here I would remain, cursed to live forever with the likes of Larraby Acres. Here we would await our next victim.